Hey y’all. Hola. Shalom.
Today, I’m recapping The Bachelor. Most of you probably don’t like this show, and for that, shame on you. I’m kidding! If you do, however, keep reading to see my thoughts on last night’s episode. If you don’t, still keep reading because that is the kind thing to do.
You can read all about my thoughts on last week’s episode and limo entrances HERE.
Here we go with episode 2!
Group date: We start off the episode right away with a group date taking wedding photos. Brittany comes on the screen and I’m all, “Who is she?!” because I’ve never seen her. Corinne gets put in a bikini top for the date and starts bragging about being the hottest bride. Then, Brittany comes out topless in an Adam and Eve costume. Corinne’s eyeball claws come out – she wanted to be the center of attention. Somebody get us Corinne’s nanny, because she’s not going to be the center of attention, for once, and is upset by that.
[Back at the house, Liz mentions that she kissed Nick 9 months ago. For the first and not the last time this episode. Get used to Liz’s name this post.]
We see every girl make out with Nick. All the while Corinne is eye rolling. She’s up now, and while she’s not here to make friends, she is here to show us her friends. Corinne even let Nick meet her friends. I retract my “she’s not going to be the center of attention” statement. Technically, she wasn’t the center, but her friends were. It’s date 2 and Corinne is “already falling in love” with Nick. It can be noted that I am already falling out of love with Corinne. She’s a stage 5 clinger… I’m calling it now. I mean, she only stole him from the other girls 3 times in 10 (T.V.) minutes.
And, the rose for the date goes to… Corinne. Which sets a precedent for the entire season. S
uns buns and boobs out, guns out.
One-on-one date: Nick describes his time in the franchise to Danielle, the neonatal nurse who claims to have only seen Paradise (or something to that extent.) He tells the tales of Andi and Kaitlyn dumping him at the alter for all of America to see. But, what about him dumping Jen at the alter on Bachelor in Paradise? He never makes mention of that. All of America is hoping that the fourth time is the charm for our sweet little Nick so that we never have to see him on our television again. Good news? He can’t be runner up this time. Danielle proceeds to tell her sob story, because at least one contestant each season has some kind of dark past. Hers? Her fiancé died and she found him (that has to be the absolute worst feeling.) Now we know she’s getting a rose. Because, you can’t talk about your dead fiancé on this show and get sent home the same night. It’s not in the rule book. Danielle seems too classy and sweet for this show. I’m hoping she finds her man in a normal, Nashville setting!
[Back at the house, Christen and Liz have a conversation about Nick. (Side note: As of now, I am really liking Christen – other than the fact that her name is misspelled. Why haven’t I noticed her up until now?) Was anybody else aware that Liz met Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding? I’m asking for a friend. And, because I couldn’t quite figure it out myself. Even though she’s only mentioned it 12,482 times in one-and-a-half episodes.]
Group date: It’s group date time! And, Liz mentions, yet again, that she needs to talk to Nick about what happened 9 months ago, at Jade and Tanner’s wedding, if you haven’t caught on by now. The group date is at the Museum of Broken Relationships. Which, is no different than any other season of The Bachelor. Nothing screams “Let’s fall in love!,” like seeing artifacts – including the ring Nick was going to propose to Kaitlyn with – from relationships that didn’t work. P.S. The museum is real. I googled it so you don’t have to.
The date is all about the art of breaking up with Nick. The main takeaway from this date is that Liz was just cringe. worthy. She not-so-subtly hinted at their rendezvous and all of the other girls were majorly confused. And, Nick looked as though he saw a ghost. I didn’t envy any of their positions at that point. So awkward!
But, finally! The moment that we have all been waiting for. Nick and Liz are finally going to Marriage Boot Camp (along with every other Bachelor couple) for their one night stand. Y’ALL. Nick just pulled the plug on Liz’s life support. He told her sayonara. Liz is gone and we will never have to hear about Jade and Tanner’s wedding again. Thank God. I’m sure she’ll grace our T.V. this summer on Paradise. Ironically, Nick will also be on Paradise when he and his winner don’t work out.
No cocktail party. No rose ceremony. And, that is how the producers of The Bachelor left us hanging this week. When they do this, we’re forced to tune in next week to see if our favorites are gone and it’s such a good marketing move by them. Even though I strongly dislike it. Good on you, ABC. You win. Every. Time.
My favorites after episode 2: Raven (she is the epitome of Southern Charm), Vanessa (her quirky personality shined during the wedding group date), and Christen
If you’re still reading this, THANK YOU! Let me know what you think! I’d also love to hear what your take on last night’s episode is and who your favorites/least favorites are.