Recappin – The Bachelor

Hey y’all!

It’s our favorite day of the week! The one where we dress in yoga pants and the shirts that ex-contestants are promoting on Instagram, binge eat girl scout cookies + drink water (because Jesus turned water to wine and I’m not yet 21) and watch a good trashy show. Oh, shoot. That’s all days that end in “day” for me.

We start this week’s episode where we left off – Vanessa (my front runner after last week) is confront(runner)ing Nick. Is he here for the right reasons, she asks? Of course not, Vanessa. He’s here to go on an 8-week vacation, make out with 25 girls and see 4 sets of their girls. Why else would he be on this show?

Corinne claims she is not privileged. This is coming from the girl with a nanny. At 24 years old. Corinne… more like NOrinne. I’m done with her. She could disappear mid-rose ceremony and I wouldn’t complain about it. (Note: I saw online that some people were comparing her to a Donald Trump love child. And, now that I’ve seen it, the resemblance is uncanny. She looks like a mix between Ivanka and Tiffany Trump. I can’t un-see it. We need her to be on a group date to Maury.)

Rose ceremony: Corinne looks like she’s about to fall asleep. Her nanny is usually tucking her into bed at 8:30. It’s obviously too late for her to be up.

It’s the Corinne show, y’all. And, be prepared. She’s here to stay. I’m calling it now – she makes it to final 2. Those producers know what they’re doing. (Ahem, ratings.)

Side note: during this episode, I told my mom Corinne wins (I don’t know who wins.) This was her response: “No! The trashy girl wins?! So, Nick likes boobies and more? I’m sure his parents are proud of what they’re seeing she does now. I hope he’s already dumped her. That’s disgusting!” She then proceeded to rant to my dad. I laughed out loud for a solid 10 minutes.

Taylor says the girls have a Mean Girls vibe. Get in, losers! We’re going shopping (for a husband). Corinne/Gretchen Weiners: “I’m sorry that people are so jealous of me… but I can’t help it that I’m popular.” None for you, Gretchen Wieners Corinne.

It’s the destination reveal. Oh, yay! We’re going to the ever exciting and exotic… WISCONSIN! The place where everyone falls in love. We’ve all dreamed about traveling to Wisconsin, right? No? I didn’t think so.

One-on-one date: Danielle L., who I think is gorgeous, gets the date! The date is all about Nick’s hometown. Because we all care about where Nick grew up – even though he lives in Los Angeles where he models half-naked. This date is giving me boring vibes. And, wow. Nick casually runs into an ex – and it’s not Andi or Kaitlyn believe it or not. This was not producer set up at all. Lame. Raise your hand if this is the worst date in Bachelor franchise. Mine is raised! On to the next, hopefully less boring, one.

Group date: It’s on a farm! If this episode is accurately portraying the state of Wisconsin, please don’t ever let me take a trip here. No thanks. I’ll pass. Nick wants to see who can do dirty things. Because, Nick likes dirty things. And boobs.

Let’s play a game… Liz is to Jade and Tanner’s wedding as Corinne is to what? Oh, yes, nanny! How could we forget that she has a nanny? She (and I) have only reminded you 12,042 times.

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The real reason Nick is keeping Corinne around.

For once, I agree with Corinne. How is a date on a farm romantic?! It’s not. ABC, what are you doing to these girls?! All they wanted was a free vacation to the Bahamas and you’re giving them this crap?! (No pun intended.)

The girls all start grilling Corinne on her maturity and naps. Corinne then drops the best line of the season: “I didn’t mean to offend anyone by taking a nap.” She’s my new favorite. I swear. I take back every mean thing I’ve ever said about her.

There was also a big milestone during the group date: Kristina spoke. For the first time. All season long. I’ve been wondering what her Kentucky Russian accent sounds like.

One-on-one date: Raven proved me wrong and said there’s no other date she would’ve wanted to go on than Nick’s hometown. She’s a small town girl, so I partially understand. Raven and Nick run into Nick’s littlest sister, the 2030 Bachelorette. Raven with Bella was hands down the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Raven admitted that she beat her ex with a heel when she caught him cheating on her. Why did we run into Nick’s ex earlier and not Raven’s?  She is definitely a winner in my book. She told that story in her sweet, quiet accent in a calm manner. And, I was laughing hysterically. You go, girl. Girl. Power.

I. Love. Raven. Bella may be the 2030 Bachelorette, but I’m hoping Raven is our 2017 lead.

Favorites after last night’s episode: Raven (if she is not your favorite after this episode, you need to exit out of my blog right this moment), Vanessa and Corinne (SIKE!)

Who are your favorites? I’d love to hear your thoughts on last night’s episode too!

Thanks for sticking around. See y’all next post.

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